Ending A Chapter

Ending one chapter of your life to begin another is never easy. It's never easy to leave one job for another.. I guess unless you haven't liked the job you're leaving.  But even then- usually, you will be leaving SOMETHING you like, friends, a schedule, pay, the feeling of being "comfortable" because you know what you're doing.. SOMETHING.

For me, it's not SOMETHING.  It's everything.  I officially closed my chapter in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at Mercy Medical Center in Des Moines last week.  I had still been considered PRN (as needed) until last week, because I have chosen to keep traveling. Contrary to what many people think, it wasn't easy for me.  It was my first job as an RN after graduation.  I started in the NICU and loved it from day one. I love working with the babies, the families... feeling like in a way I'm part of their family for a short while.  Anyone who has ever done primary care in a nursery like this, or even in nursing at all, knows exactly how I feel... and hopefully many of the families that I have grown to love so much will understand that as well.  It wasn't just a job, or a source of income for me. In a lot of ways, especially over the last year, it was what defined me.  I am a NICU nurse.  That won't be changing.. but now I'm a traveler. I don't have consistency of care with the families I care for. I meet a family, care for their baby for three days, and almost always have a new family the next week. It's different. I miss it. 

I worked in the Mercy NICU for almost four years. I learned to love my co-workers. They walked with me through some of the toughest stuff I've ever been through.  They became family. They still are... but of course it's different.  Life changes. Chapters end. Relationships change. It takes a lot of work for a relationship to last through change.  I know some of them will last- but a lot of them will be a lot different.  And that makes me sad.  Working in the NICU was a comfort for me. It was a place I could go and be confident in who I was, and what I was doing.  That has changed. 

Being a traveler forces you to be confident in a different way.  Moving to a new city not knowing anyone or anything was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It was a culture shock to be here.. to walk into the gas station and see slot machines... billboards for "ladies to you" at every corner (I will elaborate more about this assignment in another post)... Being in a different NICU now has been great in a way that I'm learning so much... but I don't walk into the unit and always feel as confident.  I have to learn how THEY do everything, every time. Everything is different. Policies and procedures...  I have to be very flexible.  I have to learn everyday (particularly in the beginning) the names of the nurses I'm working with that day.  Usually by the end of the day I am comfortable with that assignment and my coworkers... but the next day it starts all over again.  I have to make new friends.. for this chapter. And it's hard. It has made me grow as a person, a nurse, and hopefully a friend.  I have made new friends out here- most of them travelers, and in a week or so we will all be going our separate ways.  And that makes me a little sad.  I have had relationships back home be challenged by the distance.. by the closing of one chapter and the beginning of another.  In a way most of my friends and family have adapted to the change, some have not, and some probably wont. I pray that God continues to help mend and strengthen the broken relationships.

My chapter here in Las Vegas is almost over. I compared everything I learned here to what I learned at Mercy, because it was all I knew.  As I continue on this traveling journey to another assignment I know that this will change.  I will be learning several different ways to do the same thing... But I will always come back to Mercy.  The Mercy NICU.  I'm thankful for the time I had there, the things I learned, the families I love, and the coworkers who are family.  It's not an easy chapter to close.. at all. Traveling is scary, it's the unknown, and it's really not comfortable.  But it's what I'm supposed to be doing.  I am positive of that.  So I continue to ask all of you for your amazing support. Stick with me through this journey.  I am changing, growing.. in so many ways.. and that has to make it all worth it.  Change is never easy, but it's life.. so here goes. I'm living it.
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***I am dedicating this post to my co-workers at Mercy.. my friends. As I stated earlier, they walked with me through some very scary times... we have laughed together, cried together, watched babies leave this world to go to Jesus, together.. seen the miracle of life in so many ways.  We played jokes on each other (sorry Laura- she was the the easiest to play them on..) We ran stairs together at 3am.. We used boxes for entertainment. :-)  We got creative when we were tired.... in ways I won't mention in this post. We loved the babies..and families- together. We did photo shoots together   We showed each other our talents at 3 am... yes- I can do the splits.  We coded babies together.  We threw the BEST potlucks.. we consumed way more than our fair share of Diet Mountain Dew. We helped each other, we listened to each other.. and sometimes we drove each other crazy.  But that's what happens with 18 girls (mostly), at 3 am.  We became a family. Thank you to all of you for being my friend.  I consider myself blessed to have started my nursing career with all of you.  God knew exactly what he was doing when he placed each and every one of you in my life. I have and will miss you all...***